5 Ways To Protect Your Peace During Back-To-School Season

Back-to-school season is here. You’ve been here before, and yet every year can still feel like a hurdle to jump over. There’s so much to do: back-to-school shopping, learning your child’s new schedule, managing stress and expectations, not to mention your own back-to-work list. These tasks can feel even more daunting when the year is a milestone one. Is your six-year-old starting primary school? Your tween is going into middle school? Is your teenager jumping into their final four years at home before they head to college? Naturally, these times can fill you both with excitement and apprehension. Here are some tips to protect your peace this back-to-school season.

As parents, we’re often hyperfocused on our children’s thoughts, feelings, and life moments. It’s important to remember that just like their birth made you a parent, every life moment they experience is arguably yours as well. Recognizing that can help you distinguish between your feelings and your kid’s feelings.

You’re allowed your feelings, but you should avoid putting them on your kids. Dr. Rachel Busman, a clinical psychologist specializing in anxiety, said, “I think there’s a contagion effect that we have to be careful of.” That’s why she recommends checking in with yourself first.

No matter how big they get, your kids will always remain your babies. Since their birth, it’s been your job to keep them healthy, happy, and comfortable. On the other hand, you can recognize that growth happens in discomfort. So this back-to-school season, resist the urge to fix every uncomfortable moment.

Dr. Siggie Cohen, child development specialist, wrote, “Less reassurance does not mean less love.” On the contrary, allowing your kids to struggle within the safety of your presence and ability to step in can make all the difference in them learning to handle things on their own and building their confidence.

Protecting your peace is just as much about staying on top of things as it is about realizing that you don’t have to personally manage every single little thing. This becomes truer and truer the older they get. Dr. Siggie wrote, “Lasting empowerment comes from helping them develop a strong inner voice, emotional awareness, self-trust, and confidence in their ability to navigate life.”

As they grow, consider what they can take off your plate, whether that’s packing their backpack, keeping track of assignments, or eventually managing their own schedule. The same goes for back-to-school shopping: depending on their age, let your child help make the list, take inventory of what they already have, or keep track of what they still need. Giving them responsibility doesn’t just take something off your plate; it gives them the opportunity to practice doing things for themselves.

A new school year, especially a milestone one, also means new opportunities. Maybe your kid wants to try soccer; maybe you’d like them to get into debate. There are sports, extracurriculars, clubs, tutoring, social events—the list goes on. Before you fill every open spot on the calendar, leave some white space for both you and your child.

Child Mind Institute warns that the first few weeks of school can give kids a false sense that they have time to take on more commitments before the workload picks up. Consider waiting to see what your family’s new normal actually looks like before piling more onto it. You can always reassess next month.

Finally, remember that there’s no such thing as a perfect start to the school year. Maybe you forgot something on the supply list, the new morning routine isn’t quite working yet, or you’re feeling differently about this milestone than you expected. All of that’s okay. Adjustment takes time.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Natalie Dattilo told the American Psychological Association that parents often place expectations on themselves for how well they “should” be doing things. “These unrealistic expectations increase our load, and they are some of the first things we can take off the plate,” she said.

This back-to-school season, give yourself permission to figure things out as you go. Your child doesn’t need a perfect transition, and neither do you.