How To Successfully Co-Parent In The Summer

Growing up as a child of divorced parents, I can easily remember how times preceding holidays and vacations could get especially tense as my parents argued over who got which weeks, whose turn it was to book flights, and more.

Preparing in advance, setting clear expectations, and keeping your calm can help prioritize your child and make sure they have a wonderful summer with both of their parents. 

Split and recomposed families are hard to track but we know that 50% of all children have divorced parents. There are 13 million custodial parents in America. Custodial parent refers to the parent who has the child most of the time but does necessarily indicate that they are the sole provider for said child. 

Regardless of marital status, 1 in 3 parents expect this upcoming 2025 summer to be their most stressful season. Common reasons include balancing work and children’s summer calendars, unpredictability, and lack of me-time. A recent study found that 70% of parents feel mentally and physically exhausted at the end of the summer holidays. 

Research indicates that parents in ongoing conflict with exes often feel frustrated, anxious, and exhausted —emotions that strain co-parenting and affect their children’s well-being. Tack on the fact that parenting in general is hard, summer planning for divorced parents can be an especially difficult time. 

Here are some tips to navigate the summer season so you can focus on enjoying time with your child, not fighting with your ex. 

Exes can be frustrating, enraging even, but there’s no “ex” in co-parenting. It’s about finding ways to be partners in raising your child outside of any lingering tensions. 

“Encourage the children to spend quality time with both parents,” said divorce lawyer Elizabeth Billies. “Support their relationship with the other parent and avoid making negative comments or using the children as messengers between households.” 

Use clear, effective communication with your co-parent and give them the same amount of grace you’d like. 

Of course, you are the parents and you are in charge but being a child of separated parents can feel quite disorienting. Taking the time to talk to your child, ask for their opinion, and make decisions with their input when possible can help them feel more comfortable while also fostering closeness. 

“Because a lot of the custody arrangements are out of the child’s hands, kids can feel completely powerless and frustrated by having to switch homes,” said Teal Russeau, author and licenced clinical family counselor. “Giving kids small moments of autonomy can mean everything to them and make a huge difference in the parent-child relationship.”

Clarity is the easiest path to sanity during the summer vacation. There are so many things to stay on top of, from summer camp schedule to when we’re taking the kids to grandma’s, which is why you’ll want to clearly outline who is responsible for what ahead of time. 

“Establish who organizes activities, handles transportation, or manages other duties to prevent misunderstandings,” according to the Owenby Law Team.

Setting up these expectations will allow you to be more peaceful while fostering a cooperative environment in which your child can thrive. 

Things happen, you can understand that, but having boundaries in place for changes such as no shifts 48 hours prior to scheduled events, will allow you to keep your calm when plans change. 

“Successful co‑parenting requires communication, mutual respect, and flexibility,” said Sabrina Romanoff, clinical psychologist, because they are “essential for creating a stable environment for children.”

Even if you’re doing everything right: setting boundaries, having open communication, and protecting your child from adult tension, sometimes things can go awry. If that happens it may be time to seek professional help. There is no shame in getting help.

A coparenting counselor can help parents find a new way forward, according to Sparrow Counsel, so their kids can have a different future.

Make sure your summer plans with your child are focused on joy and connection by finding the ways that work for you, your child, and your ex partner to stay organized, cordial, and prepared.