#MyResumeDoesntMention Took Over Twitter & We Can’t Stop Laughing



Oct. 28 2015, Published 10:20 a.m. ET

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#MyResumeDoesntMention I know all of Beyoncé’s tour choreography and am probably performing it in my head while you’re talking to me.

Twitter exploded with the hashtag #MyResumeDoesntMention capturing our honest thoughts on resume builders that may not be the most professional.

Let’s face it, career hunting and sometimes career keeping can be extremely difficult. It’s okay to blow off some steam and poke fun at the seriousness of it all.

Here are our favorites:

1. Honestly sometimes I like animals better than people.

#MyResumeDoesntMention my cat affinity for cats. Also, cats.

— Bravo Golf Lima (@Benjamin_G_Lund) October 19, 2015

2. My mom is just about the only mentor I have right now and I like how it’s going.

#MyResumeDoesntMention that I still go to my parents for career advice.

— LinkedIn (@LinkedIn) October 19, 2015

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3. Yes, I screwed up, but did you die?

#MyResumeDoesntMention My true career objective is just being better at my job than the iceberg spotters on the Titanic.

— Emmy Potter (@emmylanepotter) October 19, 2015

4. I may or may not have given my friends a script to vouch for me that I will echo in our interview.

#MyResumeDoesntMention any real references, just my friend Dave who will claim to be my previous boss and vouch for me big-time.

— Tommy Campbell (@MrTommyCampbell) October 19, 2015

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5. Basically, my presence is a present.

#MyResumeDoesntMention that I’m a unicorn full of magic

— ☀️Hollyween Haunts U (@Hollyorange8) October 19, 2015

6. As long as someone can cover my shift, right?

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7. Just so we’re clear, yes those are job boards in my recent history.

#MyResumeDoesntMention that I’m looking for other jobs. Constantly.

— Alex Heller (@originalheller) October 19, 2015

8. I’ve made up my mind to keep this job, or have I?

#MyResumeDoesntMention that I’m extremely indecisive… Or decisive. Wait, indecisive. No no, definitely decisive. Actually, I’m not sure.

— Pat Boyle (@PjBoyle33) October 20, 2015

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9. My ability to take pictures of myself is amazing.

10. I’m an athlete.

#MyResumeDoesntMention the time I dropped a piece of poptart on my foot and kicked it up in the air and caught it in my mouth.

— Brian Murphy (@bmurph13) October 20, 2015

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11. Those people I call my offspring.

#MyResumeDoesntMention my kids because those responsibilities would be like 10 pages long.

— joelene wolfe (@jtw33) October 19, 2015

12. No offense Billie.

#MyResumeDoesntMention that Billie Jean is not my love, she’s just a girl who thinks that I am the one. But the kid is not my son.

— cody whitted (@codyraywhitted) October 19, 2015

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13. Teamwork works best when the team does what I say.

#MyResumeDoesntMention that I don’t play well with others. Only that I excel in group environments and am a team player.

— Princess BOOtercup (@AsYouuuWiiish) October 19, 2015

14. Whatever it is, it can wait until I finish my coffee.

— joshingstern (@joshingstern) October 19, 2015

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15. I’ve just got to be honest with myself about that whole on-time thing.

I claim on my resume to be punctual and reliable #MyResumeDoesntMention that I’d probably be late for my own funeral.

— Deirdre O’Connell (@Deirdreocx) October 19, 2015

16. Do I seriously have to do this work thing every day?

— candice (@VodkaNCandy) October 19, 2015

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17. I’m a leader not a follower, unless the wave comes back around.

#MyResumeDoesntMention that I started the wave at the baseball game last weekend.

— Casey Corbin (@CaseyCorbin) October 19, 2015

18. Let’s just add a couple things to the calendar shall we?

#MyResumeDoesntMention that I require daily naps and a biannual nervous breakdown.

— Laura Nowlin (@Laura_Nowlin) October 19, 2015

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19. I’m good with Netflix inspired modes of commitment.

#MyResumeDoesntMention That I can finish an entire show on Netflix in a single weekend.

— Ahdri (@ALFashionMonstr) October 19, 2015

20. I’m super busy. No, that’s not a Pinterest tab open on my desktop.

#MyResumeDoesntMention my innate ability to look busy, it’s a gift people.

— TANIA KETTERHAGEN (@Tbones98) October 19, 2015

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