Nice Girls Win: Kelly Elhers’ Reclamation Guide For Women Who Are Done Shrinking
Nice Girls Win by Entrepreneur Kelly Elhers may initially seem like a self-help or personal development book, but I see it differently in a deeper way. I find it to be a reclamation-centered book for women. It isn’t about becoming someone new, but rather about reclaiming who you’ve always been. The woman you may have hidden, buried, or made invisible in an effort to meet expectations, keep the peace, or be seen as “nice.” Whether in work or personal settings, Kelly challenges women to stop shrinking themselves for the comfort of others and revive the parts of themselves they’ve put on the back burner.
Kelly immediately opens up to her readers about a fun, family vacation in Mexico where she had a revelation about her life in a relatable way while staying true to herself and her feelings at that time. It allows women reading this to let their guards down and invites them into a safe space.
I interpret “nice girls” here as women who are often labeled as people-pleasers. Some women might be aware they have nice girl syndrome. Others might just feel they are missing something, but the beginning of the book puts words to feelings you sometimes can’t explain. And it is here that Kelly reveals her “pivot” or “realization moment.” And it unexpectedly came from her dog. Not some “aesthetic” or forced moment, but a simplistic moment that just had bigger meaning.
“No one gets to decide what it is you believe, but you,” wrote Kelly. This blend of genuine heart and total self-worth is exactly where the Nice Girls Win philosophy lives. It’s a reminder for some and a discovery for others that these two things don’t need to be negotiated. And you don’t have to compromise. There’s room for both to fit.
Throughout the book, Kelly shares her story about a time in her teens that eventually became a founding principle she learned to incorporate on a daily basis, and she declares that “winning matters more than how you feel.” I started wondering what’s her definition of winning, since she lost that track meet because of a sprained ankle (you’ll understand as you read). I quickly combated with the obvious fact that we don’t always win everything in life, so what were her qualifications to determine what’s a win and what’s not (during that time).
But as I kept reading, I loved how the stories from Kelly’s personal life gave me time to reflect on my own life situations without completely giving me an answer to what winning is. That’s one thing that stood out to me that I truly enjoyed: reflections were in between the chapters as opposed to the end. I don’t know if it was intentional or not, but I think it’s a perfect setup for nice girls. For women who are used to being people-pleasers, it can be easy to look to someone else’s interpretation of success, fulfillment, or even “winning” and accept it as our own without first asking what those things mean to us. So this is a great aspect of the book.
Kelly mentions in the book, “We’re so busy figuring out stuff that we spend majority of our time trying to make things work instead of actively building a life that works for us.”
But aren’t these two things connected? In most circumstances, you have to make things work in order to actively build a life that works for you. We’re not necessarily starting from scratch. We’re taking the cards we’re dealt with at the time (circumstances, resources, responsibilities, opportunities, etc.) and trying to build something better from it. So, figuring out how to make things work doesn’t always feel separate from building a life that works for us. They can work together.
The more she made statements, the more I felt myself almost in a defensive mode, as if the “statements” offended me. Because that’s how I view or live my life. When it comes to similar books I’ve read, authors will make statements with actionable steps, but I love how she always backed up her statements for readers who might be unaware of the connection to their own lives, to call it out. Or for the nice girls who are simply just in denial. With her personal stories included, it gives non-judgmental room for readers to understand and hold themselves accountable.
The word “nice” is defined and treated like a vague adjective, but Kelly emphasizes that it’s a behavior. This book brings about a new unheard-of perspective when it comes to the “woman behind the face”, where the term “overmanaging” comes in. Without giving too much away, it’s the practice of creating connection in the details that others often miss. And I took it as a physical gesture to still show your “niceness” without having to fight for it.
Throughout the book, Kelly incorporated some biblical references, including the story of Mary Magdalene. I truly appreciated that from a spiritual aspect because it was another level of connection and credibility to the text. It’s something about another believer not only using life experiences to guide others but also being able to anchor these lessons from the lens of a spiritual foundation. It brings not only confidence but comfort.
And let’s just say the “Stop Apologizing for Existing” section literally put my actions into words.
Overall, Nice Girl Wins teaches you the practice of “and,” not “or.” It really does more than guide; it lays a foundation for women to win that’s not compromising to themselves and still allows women to authentically be true to themselves.
You can pre-order Nice Girls Win now! And the book will be available on September 22, 2026. Visit Kelly’s website to learn more at www.nicegirlswin.com.
