When The Child Becomes The Parent: A Look Into Role Reversals With Age   

An inevitable fact of life is that we age. Some people don’t get to see a certain age, however, if you are one of the chosen ones, a role reversal occurs as you and your parents continue to do this thing called life.

In this article, Her Agenda explores the changes that happen when the child becomes the parent. All of the responsibilities are handed over to the child, and when this time comes it can be a huge adjustment to that person’s lifestyle and mental health.

“The average age when this role reversal begins is often in the late 40s to early 60s, though it varies depending on the health and circumstances of the parent,” said Anat Joseph, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Psychoanalyst. “This transition can be emotionally complex, bringing grief for the loss of the parent’s independence, guilt over not being able to do enough, and stress from balancing caregiving with one’s own family and career.”

During this time it is important to understand that you can’t do everything for your parent. All you can do is love them, give your all, and that has to be enough.

“Role reversal in families is one of the most profound emotional challenges we face, yet it can also deepen bonds when approached with compassion and open communication,” Anat said. “By seeking both emotional and practical support, children can navigate this transition in a way that honors their parent’s dignity while also preserving their own mental health.”

The caregiver is often the target that gets the darts thrown at them the most. Create a safe space for yourself so that you aren’t jeopardizing your mental health; afterall if the caretaker isn’t well, your parent won’t be either.

“Coping means balancing care with self-care,” said Thomas Westenholz, a licensed couple and individual therapist. “Lean on siblings if possible, join caregiver support groups, and remember you don’t have to do it all alone. Naming the stress and sharing it helps lighten the load.”

Additionally, Dr. Macie Smith, of SYNERGY HomeCare Gerontologist and Licensed Social Worker offered further support:

• Home care agencies can provide respite care, companionship, and practical help with daily activities.
• Support groups from organizations like the Alzheimer’s Association or Family Caregiver Alliance let you connect with people who truly understand what you’re going through.
• Local services such as Meals on Wheels, medical transportation, or prescription drop-offs can lighten your load.
• Counseling can give you tools to process the emotions that naturally come with caregiving.

Macie said there are some ways to approach your new normal that can help.

“You can walk beside, not ahead,” she said. “While you may feel the urge to take control, remember that your parent still values their independence. Involving them in decisions when possible shows respect and can ease resistance. [Take necessary steps to] learn about the disease. The more you understand dementia, the better you can adjust your expectations and communication style. This helps reduce frustration on both sides.”

Macie also cautions that you should know your limits.

“Be honest with yourself about what you can realistically provide physically, emotionally, and financially,” she said. “Accepting your limits doesn’t mean you are failing your parent; It means you’re protecting your own well-being too.”

Another suggestion from Macie is to make a care plan.

“Having a roadmap, whether it involves family help, professional caregivers, or community services, can reduce the stress of feeling like you’re figuring things out alone,” she said. “Don’t carry it alone. Whether it is a counselor, a friend, or a support group, having a safe place to share your feelings is important for your mental health.”