Screen Time Is Here To Stay: How To Use It To Connect With Your Kids

We all know how fast technology is advancing. Long gone are the days of rushing home to watch your favorite show at exactly 7 P.M on TV. Nowadays, it’s all on-demand entertainment, hyper-realistic video games, virtual reality goggles, and kids with iPads seemingly everywhere. More than ever before, parents are feeling that technology is creating a gap between them and their children. 42% of Millennial and Gen Z parents feel disconnected from their children due to technology, as kids spend an average of four hours of screen time every day.

That’s scary because these young years feel so meaningful in terms of bonding with your children. Of course, you want to work to limit your child’s screen time, teach them about the value of other activities such as board games, sports, crafts, and more. And yet, could a step away from seeing screens as the enemy and towards accepting them as a part of life be beneficial to the parent, child, screens, and triangle? 

Screen time is here to stay, so let’s look at ways to actually use it to connect with your kids.

Ask your kids about what they like to watch, listen to, and play on screens. Showing genuine interest is a great way to strengthen the parent-child bond. 

“It’s an important first step for families to have a language about their tech use at home that’s more descriptive,” said Jenny Radesky, a developmental and behavioral pediatrician. “It’s less full of value judgments or morality, and more just about, ‘What do you do online? What did you see that was toxic or wrong? What did you see that was inspirational or really funny?’”

This approach not only creates a connection between you and your child but also helps alleviate some of the fears you have around screen time by being more tapped into what your kids are actually doing online. 

Switch some personal screen time for communal screen time. Watching a movie with your child or playing a virtual game together can be a great time for building common memories. 

The American Academy of Pediatrics encourages families to watch content together rather than separately. Their research shows that “joint media consumption is associated with greater learning.” 

It seems simple, but any shared moment can add to your shared language as a family. That means inside jokes, discussions, and “You remember when’s that extend beyond the screen. Yes, all of this, just from getting cozy on the couch and watching something together. 

Has your child ever told you, “But you’re always on your phone,” when you limit their screen time? Have you reacted by saying, “Right, but it’s for work?” While this may be true, it actually alienates your child and creates a hierarchy. Consider thinking about your own screen time and how it impacts your relationship to your child, not just the other way around.

“Parental screen time can reduce face-to-face interaction that is vital to children’s emotional and intellectual development,” said Dr. Jennifer Shu, a pediatrician at Children’s Medical Group in Atlanta. 

Additionally, studies show that “nurturing physical touch promotes healthy physiological development,” so consider that you and your child can have parallel screen time as well. Sit next to your child on the couch or anywhere as you do some work and they get some screen time. 

When we think about what our kids might be watching, what’s good for their developing brains and what isn’t, what we should be doing as parents to mitigate this, it can get quite stressful. It’s important to take a breath and remember that just like anything in life, screentime is about moderation and ebb and flow. Have you ever felt guilty for letting your child watch a little more TV than they should because you needed a minute, or they had a lot of outdoor time that day? You’re not alone. In fact, 60% of parents report feeling guilty about their children’s screen time.

It’s time to move away from guilt and towards finding an equilibrium. Getting involved in your child’s screentime, asking them questions, creating intentional common screentime moments, and simply cutting yourself a little slack can help the whole topic feel lighter and more enjoyable for the whole family.