How To Take The Awkwardness Out Of Making Friends In Your 30s

Making friends can be a delicate walk of being brave and confident. Sometimes, simply introducing yourself is what turns a stranger into a potential friend. Making new friends may be easier to do as a child with peers at school, extracurricular activities, or likeminded individuals while doing hobbies. With age, this original concept doesn’t have to end.

Though it may be awkward to make friends in your 30s, you’ve already got the cheat code within you from adolescence. Sparking up a conversation over current events, discussing things happening wherever you and the person are currently, or bonding over mutual ideas doesn’t have to be hard or awkward.

Her Agenda has gathered some expert insight to make the friend-making process painless.

“Saying something like, ‘Making new friends as an adult is weird, isn’t it?’ can actually help break the ice,” said Thomas Westenholz, couple and individual therapist. “It’s honest, and chances are the other person will agree — and feel more comfortable too.”

Embracing the awkwardness could potentially make it disappear, and a bond could be created. It could also offer up a great laugh later in the friendship as you both tell the story of how you met.

“Start where you already feel like yourself,” said Becky Reiter, licensed professional counselor supervisor at Resilience Counseling & Wellness. “Whether it’s your favorite coffee shop, gym, or dog park — go where you feel at ease. When you’re in an environment that reflects your values or interests, you’re likely to connect authentically with others who share them. Even small talk with a regular barista or dog owner can build into something meaningful over time.”

Just like the classic show “Cheers“, “you wanna go where everybody knows your name.” If you have a place you frequent, there is ample opportunity to meet newbies and introduce them to your “world.”

According to Alyssa Kushner, licensed therapist and owner of AK Psychotherapy, you should lead with shared interests, not just small talk. Also, asking open ended questions [will render more of a grasp of who the person is and if they’re “friend worthy.”]

Instead of defaulting to “what do you do?” try questions like:

• What’s something you’re really into lately?
• How do you spend your time on the weekend?
• What’s been your favorite experience traveling?

These get to the heart of someone’s personality and help show possible shared values or interests without the surface-level chat or the basic questions about what you do.

“Volunteer, it’s one of the best ways to meet people who care about the same things as you,” said Ciara Bogdanovic, owner and founder at Sagebrush Psychotherapy. “Helping others also gives you something to focus on besides the awkwardness of small talk.”

Volunteering is a great way to meet neighbors, especially if you’re new to the area. Going to community events like feeding the homeless, organizing fundraisers, advocacy work you’re passionate about, as well as elderly care are great examples.

“Every social interaction doesn’t have to amount to something significant,” said Prerna Menon, psychotherapist, somatic & trauma specialist and co-founder of Boundless Therapy LCSW. “Sometimes these interactions just exist to teach us something new about ourselves and about others. See these moments as information gathering sessions.”

Don’t get discouraged if one encounter doesn’t turn into a friendship, ther are reportedly 8.2 billion of us in the world and counting. Praise yourself for being brave and trying to make a new friend. Have faith that you’ll make lasting friendships in your 30s, and if they’re meant to be in your life they will be.