Dating 101: How To Know If They Are Relationship Worthy

Dating in this decade can seem like you’re sinking in quicksand at times. However, you’ve gotta hang on to hope that there’s someone out there willing to grab your hand and pull you out of the mayhem.

Whether you’re dating or considering dating for the summer, Her Agenda has gathered a few tips to let you know when that special one is worth taking it to the next level.

“You don’t need identical lives, but you should share core values around trust, growth, intimacy, and emotional responsibility,” said Thomas Westenholz, Couples and individual therapist trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Values often play an essential role in the foundation of a relationship; so instead of asking their favorite color on the first date, try asking their love language, or ask who’s their favorite person and why?

Being seen is up there in the books about as high as being awarded for your greatest passion in life. Admiration only lasts about as long as looks do, and that’s not forever. If your potential partner sees you, the inner you, then you’ve essentially won the lottery.

“Being put on a pedestal can be flattering for your ego, but it’s a recipe for relationship failure as the person is only relating with an idealized picture of yourself that they have in their mind – not a real person with flaws and sometimes complex emotions,” said Anouare Abdou, Founder of The School of Relating and author of The Vulnerability Workbook. “Do you feel like they are curious about your inner world? Do they ask you meaningful questions? Do they listen with presence and curiosity instead of just trying to impress you or compliment you? Do they show you they understand you when you reveal bits of yourself?”

“You can still be your own person — your partner encourages you to maintain some sense of independence within the relationship,” said Barbie Adler, Professional matchmaker and the Founder and President of Selective Search. 

“While you may want to bring your partner along for every activity or outing in the beginning of a relationship, having a partner who encourages you to still do the things you love outside of the relationship is a huge green flag and indicator of security in a relationship,” she said. “When you truly love someone, you want them to be their best selves both inside and out of the relationship.”

Comfortability is what makes a relationship thrive. If you’re able to be yourself with your person, and feel more like yourself then you both can grow together.

“Instead of losing yourself, you expand,” said Thomas. “A worthy relationship will deepen your connection to yourself as much as to your partner.”

“Do they, and do you, know how to disagree without getting nasty?” said Kimberly Best, Dispute Resolution Expert & Founder of Best Conflict Solutions, LLC. “Can you both stay curious instead of defensive when things get heated? Are you focused on resolving the problems instead of making the person the problem? Everyone disagrees – what matters is whether you can both repair after arguments and learn from them.”

Conflict doesn’t have to end in a negative manner. Talking as adults can end in compromise if that person truly cares for you.

“You can be vulnerable with them — our partners see us at our best, and ultimately at our worst as well,” said Barbie. “Experiencing love means that you’re not afraid to be vulnerable and let your partner see all that you are as a person. Your partner may even encourage you to work through feelings of vulnerability or insecurity, as this can grow the bond of your relationship.”