Why Saying No To Family Is Sometimes A Yes To Wealth

Oftentimes, ambitious women can face pressure to provide financially for their families. Unfortunately, saying no to a loved one never feels good, especially when it comes to money. Be it at times necessary, rejecting requests for financial support can be awkward and cause friction for both parties. The weight of supplementing the income of several households can cause a toll on your mental health and place strain on familial relationships.

An article in CNBC, a media outlet, shared that 60% of Americans have helped a friend or family member by lending them money, expecting to get paid back. Of those respondents, 37% reported losing money, and 21% said that the personal relationship worsened.  

Unfortunately, financial literacy paints a vivid picture of what happens when you let family dictate how and when your money is spent. Ted Rossman, industry analyst at Bankrate, stated, “I’d avoid lending cash and credit cards and co-signing. All too often, these situations end poorly.”

At times, the desire to help loved ones does not outweigh the importance of having discipline. It is important to save, grow, and protect your wealth. Securing a healthy financial future for yourself can mean saying no to family and friends. As a consequence, the mental toll can be difficult to navigate. Fortunately enough, there are a few tips and tricks that can help maintain balance and order surrounding this subject.

If you have ever ridden a plane, you should recall the flight attendant reinforcing the importance of buckling your seat belt and securing your breathing mask first. Ensuring your safety prior to rendering aid to others. This applies to your financial health as well. A U.S. News study found that more than two in five Americans surveyed (43%) couldn’t pay for a $1,000 emergency expense with their savings. One-third say they don’t have enough savings to cover even one month of living expenses.

Mentorship and a listening ear are often more valuable than throwing money at a situation. Certified financial planner, Kathy Longo, shares that “Money is about so much more than dollars and cents – it’s about your life. Isn’t it time to start talking about it with the people who make your life meaningful? Our friends have so much to offer us, and we can make a difference in their pursuit of financial goals, too. All it takes is the courage to get the conversation started.”

An old wives’ tale that floats around my community is never lend what you can’t afford to lose. This tip applies to a cup of sugar, a pair of pants, and most importantly, money. Rossman, from the previously mentioned interview, stated, “If you really want to do it, only offer as much assistance as you can afford to lose. In your mind, assume it’s a gift and that you won’t get paid back. Let that sink in ahead of time so that a negative experience doesn’t harm your relationship along with your account balance.”

A fan favorite tip for helping to manage the financial stress and mental toll of wanting to help family financially while adhering to a budget is to set aside money for the “expense”. Allocating a small percentage of monthly earnings to a family piggy bank can be helpful. Personal finance expert Lynnette Khalfani-Cox told JPMorgan Chase and Essence in an interview, “For me, a budget is not about restricting myself. It’s about choosing how I allocate my resources and how I spend my money.” Budgeting for all aspects of life can relieve decision fatigue and should not be looked at as a negative.

Overall, balance is key. Safeguarding your lifestyle and enjoying the fruits of your labor should not come with loads of guilt. It is possible to set boundaries, plan, save, and help your loved ones without bearing the burden and spiraling from the mental weight of being stretched too thin.