5 Signs You Are Not Ready For A Relationship

Let’s be honest, the dating pool for the millennial woman is kind of swamp-water-ish. However, there are still some good ones out there; but finding them requires some self-love, first.

According to Better Help, romantic relationships among millennials typically last around four years, but many of these relationships are on-again, and off-again, suggesting they may have trouble with commitment. 

Though the signs below show the red flags of relationship unreadiness, you can use them as a catalyst for self-improvement to heal and add light to your life to prepare for the loving and healthy relationship you desire.

“If you are still replaying old memories or feeling hurt by an ex, it’s a sign that you might need more time to heal,” said Michelle King Rayfield, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. “Carrying unresolved emotions into a new relationship can make it hard to connect with someone new fully.”

Michelle recommends taking the time to process those feelings so you can approach your next relationship with an open heart and a clear mind.

“If you’re already juggling a lot (whether it’s work, school, family responsibilities, or personal challenges), it can be tough to give a relationship the attention it needs,” said Melissa Legere, LMFT, Clinical Director and Co-Founder of California Behavioral Health. 

Melissa believes that relationships require time, energy, and effort – and if you’re stretched too thin with other commitments, it might not be the right time to add a new one. It’s important to be in a place where you can be present and invest in building something meaningful with a partner.

Selflessness is a major factor for a healthy relationship to thrive. You cannot expect a relationship to withstand if there’s selfishness or if stubbornness present.

“Relationships are not about one person getting their way all the time,” Michelle said. “If you are not ready to consider someone else’s needs or find a middle ground, it might be a sign that you are not ready to share your life with another person.”

“Compromise does not mean losing yourself—it is about creating a balance that works for both of you,” she said. 

Some people don’t believe in writing a list of their ideal person because it becomes a list of an unrealistic person. Others create unreasonable expectations that make finding someone 10 times harder.

“If you have a rigid checklist of qualities/expectations for your partner, it might mean you’re not ready just yet,” Melissa said. “While it’s important to know what you value and want in a partner – being too specific, strict, or inflexible can prevent you from fully connecting with someone.”

Additionally, Melissa said relationships require compromise, understanding, and even flexibility.

“If you’re focused only on certain traits/characteristics, it might limit your chances of finding someone who could be a great match – even if they don’t check all the boxes,” she said.

“If being single feels unbearable, you might seek a relationship to fill a void instead of adding to your happiness,” Michelle said. “Being comfortable with yourself and your own company is one of the best signs you’re ready for a healthy partnership. A relationship should enhance your life, not be the only thing that makes it feel complete.” 

Self-love is the foundation of the relationship pallet. Learning yourself, dating yourself, and growing with yourself are all positive signs that you’re ready for a relationship, but not in dire need of one.