6 Ways To Practice Self-Love, Whether You Are Single Or Dating

Sabi Kerr is a self-love coach that empowers women to step into their power and radiance. She defines self-love as showing up and providing unconditional support for yourself. Just like you would hope to receive from a friend or a partner. Speaking on the benefits, Sabi explains how self-love can help you to really connect to yourself, and can benefit every part of your life. 

“If I’m moving through something really challenging and painful, and it feels like my life is falling apart, can I still love myself then?” she said. “How are you expressing what you need? How are you really showing up as yourself? Being able to use your voice, speak your truth and be unapologetically who you are even if that means you might be rejected or people don’t quite like you. That is self-love.”

According to Sabi, practicing self-love applies whether you are single, dating or in a long-term relationship.

“The biggest work for anyone that wants to meet their partner is work on yourself first,” she said. “Bring yourself to a space of deep self-love and confidence then go and date from that place of your own self-love. Because when we don’t have that, we try to change ourselves.”

For example, Sabi said, if you are dating, it could be easy to slip into telling the other person what you think they want to hear or pretending to be a certain way because you hope that they might ask you on a second date.

“Self-love is the act of saying, ‘no,'” she said. “I’m going to just be who I am even if that means the other person doesn’t ask me on a date again or decides I’m not for them, I’m going to choose me. Self-love always comes with this risk that we might not be for everybody.”

Once you are in a long-term relationship, Sabi said self-love becomes even more important to achieve a healthy relationship.

“So many people lose themselves in relationships,” she said. “They put all of their love, energy, time and attention into this other person, and it might feel wonderful at the start. But at some point, that’s not sustainable. When you come into a relationship expecting the other person to fill you up or complete you, versus you being content with who you are. (If) you feel really confident and secure in your own skin, you’re able to meet each other from this space of overflow versus I need them to fix this in me.”

Sabi recommends 6 simple steps to help you practice self-love.

Sabi recommends recognizing and gaining an awareness of the negative thoughts that you currently hold towards yourself as a starting point for action.

“What are the situations that trigger those thoughts in my mind?” she said. “Just having the awareness of those is really important because so many people will live a lifetime with those kinds of thoughts and beliefs spiraling in their mind and not even realizing that they are there. When we tell ourselves something over and over again, that’s how we’re going to show up in the world. That’s what we’re going to attract. Work to begin to transform those beliefs because that’s what self-love is. It’s transforming deeply ingrained limiting beliefs that say, ‘I’m not good enough’.”

Connecting directly with your body is an empowering way that Sabi recommends to practice self-love. That connection can include movement through yoga, dance or touch.

“Putting one song on a day and actually connecting to your body – it’s surprising how many people it feels foreign to touch your own body or to hold your own body with love or actually see your own body as beautiful and divine and incredible,” she said.

Sabi also recommends spending time on affirmations and meditations in front of the mirror.

“We look at ourselves in the mirror all the time to get ready, to just kind of check ourselves, but we don’t really look,” she said. “We don’t really see. We don’t really feel this incredible human that’s there that we get to be with every single day. Mirror work, whether it’s meditations or affirmations, can be a really powerful way of connecting to yourself on a deeper level.”

According to Sabi, there is no right amount of time to spend on self-love practices, but consistency is the best mechanism.

“If you’re trying to practice loving yourself, you can’t get it wrong,” she said. “There might be ways that you slip up and fall back into old patterns, but you can’t get it wrong. Really, it’s about a consistent choice of can I consistently do something for me that helps me connect to me?”

Sabi describes self-love as being a journey over time, so while consistency is beneficial, it is just as important to not get angry or frustrated at yourself if negative thoughts and limiting beliefs enter your orbit, and you find yourself in old patterns.

“Self-love is when you’re feeling a complete mess, you’re depressed, you’re sobbing your eyes out, and it’s how you take care of yourself in those moments,” she said. “It’s often the resistance to what we’re feeling that makes us feel worse versus when you find acceptance. This is how I’m feeling today, I’m going to accept that this is there today. I’m going to love myself and hold myself anyway, but this is what I’m feeling. When you practice that acceptance, then the hard feelings tend to shift a lot quicker.”

Although consistent routines and practices at home are helpful, practicing through action will support you to feel the results of time you have committed to self-love.

“The rest of the work is taking real life action and practicing,” she said. “When you go on that next date, notice when you try to slip into people pleasing. Notice when you slip into maybe having weak boundaries or not expressing your needs and desires. It’s going to feel scary and hard, but that’s why it’s a practice. The more that you do it, the more confident that you’ll get to take action.”