The Career Advice Women Are Finally Ignoring (And Why That’s A Good Thing)

For decades, women in the workplace have been handed a playbook filled with well-meaning but ultimately limiting advice such as “lean in harder,” “never show emotion,” and “be grateful you’re even here.” These mantras, often wrapped up and delivered as words of wisdom, have shaped how generations of women navigated their careers, frequently at the expense of their well-being, authenticity, and advancement.

However, there’s been a noticeable shift away from these narratives.

According to the latest Women in the Workplace report from McKinsey & Company, women are increasingly questioning whether traditional career advice to help them advance actually serves them. This study also reveals that while women’s representation in leadership has grown over the past decade, women are rejecting the narratives that tell them to work harder within broken systems that were not designed to support them. 

As a result, women have been navigating away from the following advice that has been told to them for generations:

In 2013, Facebook executive Sheryl Sandberg published the book “Lean In,” urging women to be more assertive, take risks, and “sit at the table” to advance their careers. The book became a cultural phenomenon, sparking workplace book clubs and corporate initiatives nationwide. Its central message: women hold themselves back, and if they just showed more ambition and confidence, they’d succeed.

Although critics, including feminist scholar bell hooks and former First Lady Michelle Obama, quickly pointed out a fundamental flaw. Michelle bluntly stated during her book tour that this piece of advice simply doesn’t work. Many like Michelle have alluded to the facts that the advice given is under the assumption that there is equal access at the workplace, often overlooking how women of color, working mothers, and those without privilege encounter obstacles that no amount of individual effort can overcome

This can include discriminatory hiring practices, lack of affordable childcare, or workplace cultures that penalize women for the same assertive behaviors that can often be rewarded in men. 

According to Forbes, many tend to believe that “people are either rational or emotional, but they can’t be both.” 

Women are increasingly rejecting this impossible standard, as the stereotype typically falls on women for expressing more emotions than men. As writer, director, and producer Nell Scovell notes, this “emotion gap” is as damaging as the pay gap. The advice to suppress authentic emotional responses asks women to perform a constant, exhausting impression management that men rarely navigate. 

Modern workers are recognizing that emotional intelligence, including appropriate emotional expression, is actually a leadership asset, not a liability. For example, instead of disregarding someone’s emotional reaction to an event, an effective leader may show active listening and empathetic feedback where appropriate. 

The narrative that women must work twice as hard for half the recognition is finally being questioned. Research highlighted in the Harvard Business Review shows that telling women to “pay their dues” often translates to accepting lower pay, fewer opportunities, and delayed advancement, all while men move ahead faster.

The 2025 Women in the Workplace data reveals this advice has contributed to the persistent “broken rung” problem: for every 100 men promoted to manager, only 87 women advance, and just 82 women of color. Women have seen firsthand that patience and quiet excellence don’t automatically lead to recognition in systems that weren’t designed with their advancement in mind.

This particular advice has kept women from negotiating salaries, setting boundaries, or speaking up about inequitable treatment. It reinforces the idea that women should feel lucky to participate in workplaces rather than recognizing their value as contributors.

Research from Harvard Business Review illustrates that women, especially women of color, commonly report feeling they should stay silent and be grateful for what they have rather than advocating for themselves. This mindset has real consequences: women are less likely to negotiate initial job offers, ask for raises, or push back on unfair treatment because they’ve internalized the message that they should simply feel lucky to have a seat at the table.

When this advice is ignored, and they advocate for themselves and their true worth, they open up the possibilities for better career advancement and necessary support.