Being alone and not enjoying it.
Those are two states that are often paired together as an inseparable couple.
In most cases, it all falls in a social pattern (specially for women) where one is minimized because of not having a partner, a group, someone.
As if its own persona is not enough to be fulfilled.
Like social human beings we wish to create significant partnerships with people, still the relationship with our very own selves doesn’t need to be out-of-place.
To embrace the moments alone is not quite usual, however thanks to social media lately I believe this issue has changed. The awareness has improved.
Now we aspire and look forward to those lonely Sunday walks or cozy morning without guilt of not sharing those instants with anyone but ourselves.
Nevertheless loneliness can be defined as a disagreeable feeling entangled in your stomach. According to Ruchi Sinha in “How To Be Alone Without Being Lonely” for Harvard Business Review, this occurs when we crave social and emotional needs that are not being met. It is when we miss mattering to others.
Although being alone does not equal feeling lonely, there are many cases where they are usually present together throughout experiencing life over the years.
As those mentioned years pass, I come up with 3 lessons that I’ve learned during a certain amount of time just by myself:
1. The relationship you have with yourself is above everything else.
This is not selfish way of thinking, I believe that having in mind the importance of comfort in your own skin is a sign of bravery too. Being with yourself alone matters and needs appreciation.
Furthermore, a person has to feel good with their own company to enjoy time with others. It’s a balance.
2. Change dependent relationships into independent bonds.
You can try to free yourself from that constant search for validation and approval from other people, then the relationships with them will be healthier, without strings and standards out of reach.
That’s when true companionships are built, respecting each others spaces and limits while maintaining deep affection.
3. Understand both types of dynamics as a key to live a better life.
The time alone provides a moment to connect with your own essence and as a result of that; you grow. That will lead you to build deeper connections with friends, family, co-workers, special ones, etc. It’s a win-win situation for all.
Besides, being alone allows you to drop your social guard, thus giving you the freedom to be introspective, to think for yourself, comments Abigail Brenner, a psychiatrist and contributor writer for Psychology Today in “The Importance of Being Alone“. Sometimes even this lonely introspection helps to make up your mind into a path that works better for you.
Today where most days are consumed with work responsibility and people, learning how to enjoy and search for that desired and comfortable time alone is a must for this 2021. As stated by Hawkley and Cacioppo in “Loneliness Matters: A Theoretical and Empirical Review of Consequences and Mechanisms“, almost 80% of our waking hours are spent with others.
In conclusion, women protecting their welfare, unlearning and growing is inspiring. Indeed, taking care of your own emotional place while being alone is an unhurried but meaningful process.